never this pain

FUCK
i had an extremely terrible cough yesterday
and i just got better.
and also yesterday,
the day i found out my student pass kana rejected and that i'll be defered to january.
meaning, i'll have to settle lots of fucking administrative issues with the ICA and the school.
plus some financial issues.

well, the administrative stuff i can handle.
perfectly i can do them well.
i've got no fucking problem with that.

i've just recovered slightly better.
okay, just to the point.
i wanna vent my anger, my frustation.

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKING BOTHER ME ON MONEY MONEY MONEY
SINCE LAST NIGHT U NEVER EVEN ASK ABOUT MY SCH ISSUES
JUST MONEY
I WAS SICK
AND HAD LOTS OF FUCKING THINGS TO THINK OF
YOU THINK I DON'T FUCKING CARE ?
ITS MY FUCKING FUTURE GOD DAMN IT
I JUST SEE HOW I FUCK MY LIFE AT THE ASS AGAIN
YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME TIME TO BREATHE AND KEPT BOMBARING ME WITH QUESTIONS
FUCK
I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO THINK OF THAN MONEY
WAIT..YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU MY PROBLEMS ?
FUCK YOU
ITS TOO GOD DAMN LATE
YOU TWO HAVE LEFT ME ALONE ALL THESE WHILE AND NOW..YOU ASK ME TO SHARE MY PROBLEMS WITH YOU ?
FUCK
YOU SHOULD HAD ASKED SINCE I WAS 10
NOT WHEN I'M FUCKING 19
I BUILD EVERY SINGLE SHIT MYSELF. ALONE GOD DAMN IT
I BUILD MY WALLS SLOWLY
AND NOW YOU WANT TO BREAK IN AND INTRUDE MY PERSONAL LIFE
WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TWO WHEN I WAS CRYING MISSING YOU WHEN YOU FIRST LEFT ME HERE ?
YOU DIDN'T EVEN CALL
YOU NEVER EVEN CALL
I GUESS YOU HAD INVESTED YOU MONEY TO THE WRONG CHILD
I'M A FUCKING FAILURE
AND I STILL THINK THAT IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT WE ARE LIKE THIS TODAY
ITS YOUR FAULT THAT I FEEL I CAN'T BE CLOSE TO MY PARENTS LIKE OTHER KIDS
YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO LET A FUCKING REBELLIOUS TEENAGER BOY TO BE BROUGHT UP BY SOMEBODY ELSE
YES OF COURSE YOU LOVE ME
YOU GIVE ME MONEY
YOU SEND ME OVERSEAS SO I CAN HAVE A BETTER FUTURE
BUT WHAT THIS KID EXACTLY NEED IS YOUR PRESENCE
BEING THERE WHEN HE NEEDS
AND YOU NEED TO FUCKING KNOW
DURING MY TEENAGE LIFE
YOU NEVER TAUGHT ME ANYTHING
AT LEAST THE MAJOR PART OF ME THAT MAKE ME WHO I AM TODAY IS NOT TAUGHT BY YOU
I AM WHO I AM BECAUSE OF MYSELF
I LEARNT ABOUT LIFE MYSELF
YOU TAUGHT ME NOTHING ABOUT LIFE
DON'T YOU FUCKING INTRUDE MY LIFE FOR THAT