Tuesday, August 01, 2006


there's so much thing pressing me down.
i long for another holiday.
i've just came back from a holiday.
but again,
i long for another holiday.
it's just so stressful.

i want to be with my parents.
i want to be with princess.
i want to be with the person i love.

dad's sick again.
i'm worried.
i've seen him in pain.
seen him drop his tears in pain.
seen him screaming the unbearable pain away.
it aches my heart.
he's the man i love most.
the only person who was there when i fell to the deepest hole in my life.
he carry me up.
he's the one who support me all these times.
in silent.

sometimes i wish i could just end all these.

sometimes i wish i could just be a grown up.
and finally be united again with my family.
i've been parted too long.

you know,
i wish i were never here to start of.
i should have stayed back in medan after penang with my sister and brother.
i don't know why i chose to continue oversea at that time.
dad gave me the choice.
and i chose singapore.
of all places.

as far as i could remember.
i was in trouble that time.
and i just needed a place to get away.
i thought coming over here alone will solve everything.
i thought....
it was i myself who robbed away my own childhood life with my parents.

and it's too late to turn back.
i gotta continue what i started.

wish i could be there with you dad.
even thou i won't be of much help.

as i grow.
i felt that the love of my parents faded too.
but i was wrong.
it just gets stronger.
only i can't feel it anymore.
i miss those times when i was 5.
and mum will put me to sleep.
i had ashtma when i was young.
and i could still remember.
she'll stay awake all night accompanying me when i had an attack.
she'll massage my feet.
which will calm me down.
and she'll be there.
by my side till i doze off again.
i miss the time when i'm the only one loved by them.

i wish i could just be there.
i miss you dad.
and you too mum.
thou i still hate your unncessary naggings.

i am a son.
who can't remember my parents' birthdays.
i am a son.
who've caused so much pain to my parents.
i am a son.
who no matter what...loves you both.
and i am a son.
who wants to end your misery.

i have dreams in me for you both.
and i want i'll make it my reality for you both.
nothing can repay your unconditional love.
after what i've done.

and i want you princess,
to be with me.
to achieve the dreams we've always talk about.
to finally be with you.

i can't stand this distance from my loves.....
and here i am.
can't do anything about it.
i am too.

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