when long distance is not distance enough

it's been 13 months.
we've never fail to talk to each other every single day.
except for that week i was in malaysia and that few days u were away.
even when we quarelled.
we do talk.
i could say.
we've talked for a year, 12 months, every single day without fail.

when the distance separating us is not distance enough...
you started working.
no..not on a day job.
i have not much say.
i don't even have a say.
it's 3.30 am and you're not home.
i'm having morning school now princess.
and most of the time,
afternoon class too.
i gotta wake up at 8 every single morning now.
and you know i got problems waking up early.
i've overslept so much.
skipped so many lessons.
the school had mailed me twice,
called me and even leave a mailbox three times.
all regarding my attendance.

i can't say anything.
you're happy.
you like being busy.
you wake up when i'm in school.
leave home when i reach home.
don't you feel we're separating further apart ?

i wait.
will always.
every single night.
to just talk in ease with you.
no matter how tired i am.

i remembered.
i was so tired,
i slept a little bit while we talked.
i kept shaking my head to stay awake.
i sat up.
i stood up.
just to keep awake.
the next day,
i was so tired.
nothing went in my head.

it is painful.
very.

it's only yesterday that i couldn't stand the tireness that i slept.
and i miss you so bad already.
and now..
this moment..
you tell me that i can't even call you in ease ?
i have to call you with the noisy surrounding ?
you know,
you know me.
i don't even like talkin to you with the music on.

sometimes,
it's just so hard.
and you tell me you can't feel me anymore.
not like you used to.......

i've never mind to pay those bills.
i've never mind at all.
just to stay in close contact with you.
never...
not in my nightmare.
that i dreamt we're so far apart.

i remember princess,
you used to bug me every single time.
every single msg you'll reply right away.
when you're bored.
thou,
may be i'm selfish.
but i loved it that way.
not to wait for your reply hour after hour.

i don't blame you.
it's not like i can do anything.
i can't be there.
in person,
to accompany you all the time.
you have to do what you've got to do.
and i'll just have to wait.
hour...
after hour...
for my cute little princess to be home.
even if i can't talk to you.
at least i'll know.
you're safe.
and home.
then will i be able to sleep in ease...

i still do love you.
it still feels that strong.
stronger.
then when it all started....
339 days ago...........