behind the smile.

this is going to be an emo entry.







there's so much inside i don't know where to start.
i think it is one of those times when u're really down.
u don't know what to do,
u lost appite in eating,
nothing seems good anymore,
u can't find any reason to smile no more,
u feel like the whole world is against u...

yeah...i'm feeling that way right now.

it's sad,
the heart is crying every minute of the day.
and nobody is there to listen.

i don't have a mum like yours.
the only conversation we talk revolve around the topic "money".
my dad don't listen either.
there's no way i can talk my heart out with dad..
we only talk about business.
and how he has write my future out.
what am i suppose to do and how am i gonna do it.
i can't talk with my friends.
in fact, i don't even have a friend who i can sit down with and talk my heart out.
and share everything under the sun about me.
i can't tell her how i'm feeling,
i don't want her to worry.
especially during these times.
when i have only 1 week away to leave this place for at least a good 5 months.

and i just realise...
that there's actually nobody,
nobody in this god damn world who really knows me inside out.
who truly understand me,
heck..
i'm someone who's hard to be understood.
i myself find don't understand me at times...
let's just say,
that there's no one,
who can sit down and write out more than 20 things that i enjoy doing that's true.

but it's not their faults.
it's me.

i can't say what's in my heart.
i don't share how i feel.


u know,
it's getting harder to live,
in a world where u're getting further away from the person u love.
i have a brother who is so pampered by my parents he had become so childish that i can't stand him.
i know he loves me.
i love you too.
thou we seldom talk.
i don't know what u're facing and u never know what i'm doing.
i have a sister whom i love so much i'd die for her.
and it's my own fault that i never take the chance to talk to her.
to go to her room and spend time with her.
cause most of the time i'm locked up in my room doing things for myself.
and now that she'd be gone too.
it'd be too late when she returns.

and it aches me now.






and when i come back again,
i'd just be even further away from them.

i know u're trying hard girl,
i'm sorry.








nobody listens.
nobody understands.
and here is the person who's trying to be everything that they wish for.
and fails most of the time.




behind my smile,
u'd see a heart.
who's always crying.
for the countless mistakes he had made.
and for the person that he is.