i need u

i'm feelin like fuck.
woke up from my nap with a nightmare.
now i feel extremely like shit.

this entry is bout her.
if u dun feel like readin somethin mushy mushy den fuck off.







i need her.
badly.
yesterday, after 3 hours of sleep.i pulled my heavy head to sch.accounts.
got back and felt the sudden urge to study.so i basically spent the whole afternoon practising accounts.slack here and there a lil bit.
time flies.
i kept my msn online, that's the only way i communicate with her recently.she have no balance in her phone.i'm so broke i can't even fuckin call her,and i don't fuckin expect her to call me ever.
it's expensive.
so the whole afternoon was
- studyin and waitin
for her nick to pop out from that little corner of my screen.
she didn't turn up.
if she's not around in the afternoon, then she'll usually be around at night.
so i spent the whole night waiting
while readin management a lil bit here and there.
and when she's not even around by 2.nothing enters my brain anymore.
i msged her.tellin her if she can't come, then nevermind.i'll just wait for another half and hour and go for my sleep.
i waited for another hour.
she couldn't come.
msg her again.
and then the feelin comes.a feelin that i forgot for a couple of days already.
all our memories just flash back in my head, unknowningly to me..i reached out my hand as if to hug her......the empty air shoot my heart.
the tears flow.
i tried to distract myself with the thought of school.studies and all.it was simply impossible.
i ended up kneelin in prayer - cryin.talkin to myself.
i don't pray when i'm in singapore.
in tears, yesterday was the very first time i talk to god.beggin him.to just make her life easier.tellin him i don't fucken mind be in this pain every single day for the next 3 years but just make her happy.i don't want her to feel like i do.
exhausted, i put myself in the sleepin position.and it should be by 4 that i unknowningly fell asleep.
tired eyes.
meanwhile, i kept my msn open.and got up with hope whenever the sound of someone signed in to just see her online.i don't fuckin mind what time it was.i must have got too tired with the tears when i slept.
again, i woke up at 8.30 this morning, hopin that she did came online when i was asleep and msg me to just tell me she's alrite.she didn't.











i woke up from this nap.....from a nightmare.
it's a dream, thus, unusual.if u can read dreams, please let me know what it means.
the dream was something like this.
my cousins and i were back home in medan.in one of my cousins' house.
the feelin was undescriable.i wasn't happy to be home.i wasn't excited.i wasn't sad.just no feelin.and as usual too, in the dream.i put my phone on the table whenever i reach his house.a while later, i see water gushin in from afar.tsunami u can say.the first attack was nothin, everyone thought they're just flood water.but then when the second wave came in...i rushed up alertin everyone that it'll be better to be high above.i forgot my phone....
and the 3rd wave comes.attackin the entire first floor.amazingly, i was also able to see what actually happened in the first floor when the water comes.
when they go...leavin a knee high flood.i was suddenly alarmed.
"fuck, my phone !"
i run down...
everybody came along.we were in search for each of our own phone.as screwed as the dream already is, my cousins got all of their phones back functioning except me.
suddenly........
"how am i to tell her that i'm alright ?"
"she would definetly have heard of this ""water-attack"", i don't want her to worry"
i went in and out of the fuckin dirty water....


and i woke up