kopitiam

i am a chinese indonesian.
i was borned in medan.
brought up with love.
till i left.
it's still vivid.
very clear.
as though yesterday.
i was in p3.
that day, i graduated p3.
with lousy marks.
ranked 3rd from the back.
but mum,
she still fulfills her promise.
i went with my cousin.
to look for my favourite toy.
it was power rangers back then.
i owned all the 4s.
red, yellow, pink and blue.
including their robots.
then, there was white rangers.
cost couple than the rest of the rangers.
but mum.
she still bought it for me.
though i scored lousily.
though i almost retained.
it was the same every year.
mum will always get me something.

i remember.
during those times of my asthma attacks at night.
mum will rise.
and accompany me to sleep again.
she'll fixed my oxigen tank.
and stuff those tube in my nose.
and massaged my feet.
till i fall back to sleep.
be it 1 a.m. 2a.m. or 5.
she's always there.
though i never had a good night kiss.
though i don't have a mum that read stories for me.
those sacrifice is enough.

i remember.
how seldom i see dad.
how busy he was.
how i hated him for not paying attention to me.
how he scolded me.

i remember.
how mum used to cane me.
and grandpa will always hide her canes.
and protect me.

i remember.
i remember u grandpa.
i remember ur last promise to me.
i remember how bad i was.
i remember how i treated u in ur last hours.
i remember those sunday morning.
where you'll walk me for breakfast.
and u'll chat with ur friends at that kopitiam.
i'd order teh peng.
and u'll stir them for me.

i remember.
how the world was just me, mum and grandpa.
i remember.
those loving moments.

and when the 1998 riots came.
i remember how afraid i was.
how i was trembling.
and how dad,
sacrificed his life.
working in medan.
sending me, mum, sis and bro to singapore.
i remember that one month clearly.
how we enjoyed ourselves.
not knowing the risk your're taking.

and when you finally decided to send me to penang.
mum came along.
i was in my p5.
i was with sis and mum.
i remember.
how mum always wakes up in the morning.
to cook breakfast for us.
and how she always tries to give us a variety of choice.
and when we left for school.
she'll leave for work.
and during my last year there.
i remember.
bro joined us.
and i remember my first crush.
and how mum supported me.
i remember.
how mum carefully wrapped my gift for her birthday.
i remember.
mum letting me out alone for the very first time.
and i remember.
that was the last time i met her.
i remember.
the soccer times.
how free i was.
and those nights where we'll walk together.
for steamboat.
and when another family joined us.
i remember.
how u teach us to compromise with them.
how to think of other people's feelings and not just yours.
and when i was chosen as the gk for my school.
i remember.
u dragging a chair.
across the field.
during halftime.
to watch me play.
i remember.
how joyful i was.
when u first allow me to play soccer.

but after i graduate.
i remember.
dad asked me.
would you want to study in singapore ?
alone ?
i should have chosen no.
but 5 years had passed.

and now.
they are all gone.
together with me.
leaving them for singapore.

i remember.
how i shed my tears the very first night i was here.
how i tried to hold back my tears.
when u came.
and how i can't hold them.
when u leave.

and since then.
i grow up alone.

since then.
there is no more love.
i turned to girls.
but no amount of love they give can ever replace the love i need from you.


i believe everyone has their own story.
this is my story.
a story full of regrets.
mistakes.
and the only one thing worth me remembering them.
my history of love.
my parent's love.




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i was at the hawker the other time with chizhao and dave.

picture speaks a thousand words.





went to indonesia embassy today.
on the way....



upon reaching.



apparently, i saw only one small samll side of it.



the indonesian's embassy is not that disappointing after all.