i miss her

it's been 4 months.
it seems 4 years to me.

i need you.
i miss you.

there was once.
during one of those days.
where i come over to your place every night.
where i sat there.



and you.
afraid.
that your family members will peek at us.
but that night.
before i left.
you gave me a kiss.
the only kiss.
before i leave your house.

moments before my departure.
that day.
i was there.
for the whole day.
your family left.
for pantai cermin.
remember ?
and they went back.
with prawns.
2 of them died.
a few survived.
that day.
we had your grandma's leftover for lunch.
then you cooked me indomie.
shoo me off from the kitchen when i wanted to help.
washed our hands together.
then we shared that indomie from that same bowl.



that day.
you curled up by the sofa.
and took a little nap by me.
then.
you asked me to pray.
both kuam im and thi kong.
and you forced me not to look into your room.
that day.
i was the happiest man on earth.

simple and plain you are.
i never thought someone like you will even eat foods by the road.



you are just too good to be true.

and when i gave you the stars.









you gave me a hug.
and you just smiled for the rest of the day.

remember girl.
those road trips we made.
u'll ask me to come over to watch you dance.
and we'll then just drive aimlessly.
chatting.
just being together.
you and i.

the world was just made of you and me.

girl.
remember the day you came over to help me clean my room ?



you are the first girl.
that has ever help me clean my room.

remember that night.
my small small party.



where you woked up.
so afraid.
and that was the first time i shouted at you.
but that night.
remember your cooking ?
and how you cling on me after that.
how i smiled with tears.
and you said i was faking my tears.
i was happy.
and sad.
you are the first girl that gave me that feeling.

that day.
you were so afraid.
that you forced me to tell mum the truth of what we did.
the day i present you my candles.





and our first kiss.
our first hug.
by the stars.

"kum se ma gi ga
he ji be i so
apa gum
uma gum
egi gum
apa gumu tung tung e
uma gumu nei si de
egi gumu na mu gi a wo
utsu utsu taranta"
you even made me sing this in tears.

but i know i've changed since i'm here.
it just seems like nothing you do can ever please me.
in the midst of this all.
i lost myself.
i forgot who am i.
but you hang on.
so tight.
and each time i blame you.
each time i get angry.
jealous.
it all just seems over small matters.
i'm unreasonable.
but you.
you still hang on to me.

may be.
just by being beside you.
i can understand.
i can find myself back.

and i'll alwyas remember.
all those days.
so tender.
those 2 weeks.
were the happiest days of my life.

jilly themin.
i used to be heartless.
i've played girls.
i've tried to love.
but.
you are the only one that i can truly love.
and no amount of love other girls give, can ever replace the love i need from you.
i love you.



i miss you badly.
and i know.
our story.
is for eternity.